Timeless Tree

          I had elected to take two classes on Tuesdays that were three and a half hours between each other. I had seen it listed on the computer screen and it didn't look too bad.

 3:00pm - 6:30pm.

          'Hey I could go to the beach and take walks down the boardwalk and watch the wonderful ladies of Miami soak their bodies in the sun they don't really need cause man, their god-given genetics have given them all the color they will ever need. But that didn't worry me. Some women strive for excellence. I like that.'

          I thought to myself. 'But wait a minute. Three and a half hours doesn't go by so quick.. It actually takes some serious dedication for three and a half hours to seem like a breeze. If anything the first hour could seem easy cause of the hunger that would most definitely settle in and I could spend a good 25 to 40 minutes explaining to the 'wunderkind' behind the counter at Wendy's that 'No, I said an I'd like an Orange so-da, not extra onion in my chili, there's a buncha onions in there already genius'.  Shit. A hundred and fifty minutes to go and I'm full as a bear and I can barely move! I'm sitting in this car seat which doesn't require any movement but I feel the need to move but I can't! Damn you $1 Menu! 

          As the minutes drag on I find myself gripping the shinny cover of a daunting book named "The Devil In The White City", a book recommended and sent by mail by my mother who is an avid reader and if I'm in need of finding a great book, she's the answer. Oh this book has me by the throat - and the pages are turning as fast as these damn students leave the campus that imprisons me - they're probably thinking "Damn right I don't have to wait three and a half hours for my next class! I was prepared for my class selection! Muahaha" Damn them! First come first serve my ASS! More like... Ah screw it I'm lazy and I know it and its what put me in this god forsaken seat for the next 2 hours. Screw them.

          Cigarettes sure help. Maybe.. 2 minutes pass? After that its back to the drawing board. What to do.. What to do.. I've put my book down being that after the 45th consecutive page read I started to believe that I LouieBee was the devil himself, but left in this one of kind car seat and not 'The White City'. But I pick it up anyway. Why Not?

          Louie reads... Louie continues to read.. Turns the page.. Lights a smoke.. Read.. Windows down, pullin the smoke of my exhale in millions of directions; the White City is quite windy methinks. BLAST. Just a book. Then suddenly. Awkwardly. Unfortunately! This Security Truck comes riding up against my time consuming car and stops directly at my passenger window with a man who looks to be quite concerned of my presence here on his campus.

        "Whatcha doin here boy?"

I let out some already pulled in smoke.

        "Readin'"

Like he needed his magnify glass to find that out.

        "You go to school here?

No I'm sitting here, taking space up in your giNORMOUS parking lot, converting hot humid air into tobacco second hand smoke that I hope reaches your lungs only if these damn windows behind me were closed. But hey, I like the effect it has on my exhales. Screw him. 

        "Sure do, waiting for class"

Long pause. NO, not a dramatic Denzel Washington pause that creates tension beyond belief, just that normal real life pause that has no business being there but it is and its right there in my own personal time wasting space! Wait - maybe he's here to cheer up a lone student who decided signing up for classes a minute before they start was OK and he's here to keep peace.

        "Alright, you take it easy"

And he drives off. I keep my eye on that damn truck as he speeds off into the sea of parked cars. Them damned cars waiting for students to come back to them and allow them to drive them home. Only my car sits here to comfort my bottom and hold my pack of cigarettes that I seem to lose every time I want a smoke, yet its right there where I last put it. Damn these three hours have really put a toll on my finding abilities.

           I turn my head from the disappearing security truck to a small dangling tree in front of me that nests birds in it that don't seem to give a damn that I'm reading and continue to sing their songs. I see this tree as a part of my struggle; its all alone, far from campus, nobody to ponder its stranded beauty but mine own thoughtless struggle. Its a simple tree; special. Seems to hang there like its been for years.

          The Sun decides to take a break from its hiding willows and breaks this lonely tree's spell. It shines deep within its leaves which it inherits stripes of glowing fortune and value from the ground up. It sits there alive and breathing! The wind picks up and caresses the stripes of pure light to different angles that seek new territory only to find an abundance of new sought meaning. Life. This lonely tree is there just like I am there; to see its beauty when no one is watching. Life happens all around us when all is thought to happen by equation, or because 'thats just how it goes'. Just like the man that caressed my car with his mindless senseless talk. Yes. I am here. Just waiting and living.

What seems to be the problem officer?

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Raging Road Rage Turned Off By... BIRD?

          As all South Floridians know, traffic during rush hour - especially on a Friday evening - can get pretty brutal and make drivers endure serious thoughts about population control.  You begin hearing your self ask:

   "Why won't he move?"

                                            "What's she doing on the phone at a time
                                                                    time this!? You need to focus woman!"
 
            It could be our wedding day, the day we win the lotto!, the morning of your new born's birth into this beautiful world where you believe "today, is a beautiful day and nothing can change that!" Then suddenly, you come upon a street full of full grown "babys" who have gotten their licenses, found jobs, bought cars and have decided that today -- "aint yo day".

(click image to enlarge)

            The sight of all these cars has ripped you down from that heavenly peace you once indulged and you are now looking the devil in the eyes, just hoping, for him to ask you to give up your soul in change for an open lane so you can get on your way!

          But for me folks. Today? I let the devil take his offerings elsewhere because once in a while I come upon something very brilliant and quite amusing to my inner child.

(click image to enlarge)

            A bird you may call it. For birders a: Cattle Egret (Bubulcus ibis) - some type of heron. That's what my barely two minutes of research on what the hell it was got me and if you believe I am wrong, please let me know, if you must insult me on my horrible identification abilities, read the beginning part of the sentence. What a wonder this little guy (or girl) was!

            He aimlessly waddled around the medium like a... lost bird? His legs came up high with every stride he took, as if trying to walk over long sharp needles planted into the ground. His right eye was trying to identify what the hell I was in and probably that I needed some air in my left front tire. His white feathers appeared to me as a white robe that he wrapped around himself as he left his nest just to make sure he wasn't cold during the nights flight. Such an innocent part of life in such a mad and angry setting such the one I was in. It was an eye opener and a definite look into what really matters: A good sound system for the long wait. ;-)

            It shed some much needed light on my then deteriorating state of mind. Although it brought a smile upon my face it soon turned sour. The heron who had seemed drunk, or frightened to death had been making much more headway than me. He didn't even know where he was going but he was getting their much faster then me and I had beef with that. But as the traffic started to move I snapped this photo because I wanted to keep this little guy as a reminder because although there are way too many people in front of you right now wasting space and gas, there's always something to smile or laugh at in your everyday life.

The Good, The Bad and the God Awful Ugly!

                    Crappy romantic comedies need the big speech at the end of the film by the main character (the boy) losing the one they're chasing (the girl). It basically wraps up the whole movie in barely 30 seconds - which is disturbing to how much these producers are paying for a whole movie production! You'd think they'd want every minute to mean something - but every minute before that speech is there so when the old western stand off style, horrible acting, waaay too much make-up MONOLOGUE SPEECH happens you know what the hell mister beautiful is talking about.

                    The audience believes this guy's world has changed for this women when all he did in the first place was not want her to date some OTHER IDIOT when how the hell does he have the right to says he's the best candidate for her?  Oh I know because he's sensitive, lives with his grandma, doesn't cheat in life and plays the guitar for kids with cancer. Right.

                    But this is what the people want! Because if it wasn't want we wanted, then the film 'INDUSTRY' wouldn't make those types of stupid, lifeless endings! Because lets face it. The film business is a BUSINESS! Not a cute movie set with artsy farsty artists trying to make a change. The "big cats" want to suck the system dry while the "small kittens" just want to imitate life. Sound familiar? Its what separates then 3 stars from the "why the hell did I just spend two hours watching that screen project images of steaming dog crap?!"

                    The good romantic comedies that don't have those 5th grade fantasy tale monologues have ending monologues.  Just like the crappy ones.

                    But as my readers, you always know there are two sides to everything. A good and a horrible (not 'bad' because critics will always be... blood sucking critics (; ). The forsaken and the forgotten. But you say Louie... what's your point here ? How do we know we're not getting spoon fed processed food when all we see is floppy and happy go lucky blonde have flirtatious nonsense with a side of hazardous  comedy?


                    Well for one thing, romance IS NOT FUNNY! It's deteriorating, draining, life changing, journey crushing, perceptions that yield to INSANITY! When did you ever hear your friend tell his horrific break up story break into comedic sparkle in his tale? NEVER!

SO! To review: Crappy romantic comedies have wonderful, understanding, truthful, witty and funny monologues! :D ( PLEASE NOTE: strong hint of sarcasm ) While the successful and inspiring romantic pictures have them as well! but you say! Louie, please explain this MADNESS!


                    When these monologues DO actually happen in these, great romantic films, you don't even know they're happening! Because your desperately listening and waiting for thar pure feeling you've never seen in action! Instead of saying "oh this is where the idiot admits he's an idiot to the girl he just wants to bang then wins 'the big game' and she falls in his arms because he's so cute and 'I forgive you!'."


                    From the beginning of the film you honestly believe that this man deserves a partner in crime, someone to share his adventures through life. We see he's not looking for a perfect girl to compliment is "cool" life. We see how his heart yearns for this women when a week ago he was dying inside slowly. He doesn't want to be her everything, he doesn't want to live a fulfilling life with her. He NEEDS all of it! And if he doesn't get her. All else fails.

                    This is what makes a picture great! The fact that the audience sees themselves in this character. The character who can't go on without her. The character who shows exactly what you were feeling 3 months ago when 'she' got away. When he couldn't see you like you see him.

                    The desperate need for their love presents itself on the screen so vividly that when you leave the theater, you've transformed into another realm but always keeping your heart and soul grounded so that YOU the VIEWER examine a deeper meaning of one self.

                    These films. They TEACH us... ladies and gentlemen. They give us hope, sorrow, pain and resentment. But they will always give you truth.

The Secretary

     A guilty pleasure? or a story of a wanted slave in need of a master? A cross between self-struggle and self-reliance with a side of sexual pleasure will grip us in ways that you wont want to miss; a side that we all have inside of our souls. A secretary searching for an out, a lawyer looking for his next thrill, the perfect romance in the caves of a demonic being; yet so appealing to us.

     The control in this film, the wanting of companionship of another human being shows us our true inner self to what we really want, but only in the depths of a dream. Or is it? She pleasures herself dreaming of coming into work late so that Mr. Lawyer can discipline her with slaps upon her behind. We see ourselves giving the lawyer a rotten piece of literature wanting our master to discipline us so that we see our redemption as a success. She yells for a calling, he denies with a swift non-reply, only dragging her closer to his grasp of total control. She needs the calling of a new beginning and comfort while he thrives on the need of a superior being.

     Scene after scene we grow to feel for her need, we grow sympathetic for her suffering not knowing where it stems from. But we need more. We need her to seek out her pleasures. We want to see how far this Lawyer man will push his prey, where will he take her next. He suddenly turns her away in a deep fantasy of reliance; dragging her deeper into his realm, or will it back fire? Will his obsession bring pain or relief to him? She is out of a means to rely on him and takes matters into her own hands, let the self mutilation continue; by smacking herself with the back of broom upon her behind. Is it the same? of course not.

     We thrive for the fantasy to continue through it's earlier norm. Her outside engagement grows limp. She wants what she gets from the office from her boyfriend but cannot comply with her unknown requests and becomes frustrated in how he acts like a normal male trying to satisfy himself; she only wishing for him to turn as red and demonic as her master lawyer. She dreams of her masters companionship, he hides his anguish and reels her further into his domain. Her outside relationship comes into contact with her fantasy. We realize the strength of this, and see her comply with her masters every wish. He tells her to obey his every command. She does. She exposes herself in a desperate act of compliance while he enjoys himself to a quick and expressive ejaculation. A strong point that throws us deeper into the fantasy. She sits there half naked, he walks away in fulfillment and hands her a forum to fill out... "bring me my sandwich" he says, is this an appearance of life itself?

     Are we tested through these frames to find the inner demon in our own self? Have we mutated so much to only look for what we want out of the other sex? This lawyer has and this secretary has completely accepted her masters wishes. Her previous life of abusing herself to hide her shame has completely vanished in her masters vision. She is the servant that entirely devotes her mind body and soul to her master. He has full control. Over her? yes. Over himself? No. He is consumed with his deeply rooted fantasy of ruling a human being which has made him into a living demon.

     This film shows us the real control someone can have over another, a metaphor for what some people live everyday. Plain reality. When we completely obey a certain someone, a career, a son, a daughter, we completely surrender ourselves. This film will grasp you in ways you already know but will be seeing for the first time. A script that is worth reading, a film that is worth watching; every frame. Every step of the way we are thrown into a different era of conflict. A film that is too much like our own lives. A film that is too far, yet too close to reality. Watch this film, remember it, and learn from it. Bravo!

The Second Stage

     The Second Stage of a relationship is a grind of two beings that is seen by most people who enter relationships but only a few gather the real meaning of this special time spent with your significant other. Its a pivotal point in a relationship that tests the boundaries of everything in the bind that the two have created. The grip you had on the vision of the person when you first met has changed drastically. It has morphed into something that is living or dying. You both should fuel each other in every way possible, whether it be in a negative or a positive way.  If they aren't then they're simple a rotting corpse that is in your way which is a violently cold way to look at it but it spits the truth in the face of people who need powerful advise.

          Your partner will show you things about yourself that you never knew existed. They will test you and try to break your walls down to find your core to see what its like in there. Will that core be able to handle a long lasting connection with loyalty and grace? Will she turn into a nagging wife that hates everything that you do with your friends and hate all of the TV channels you watch? This is the stage that all of this starts to come to the surface. It will take a lifetime to have any kind of results but you must take the first step.

          The man looks at many women out in the wild showing off their bodies and hanging around men who are free as could be without a care in the world. He's engulfed with envy. He wants what he had when those hard times come with your woman. It seems to clear that a life like that would be much more enjoyable than this hell your experiencing in your relationship. But when all the current emotions are put aside you must ask your self this question. Look at those women and ask yourself, Do those single ladies know how to make me laugh? Do they know all of my favorite foods and knows exactly how to make my day a better day when I'm feeling down? Will that girl flashing her breasts be honored to meet your parents that you've been talking about since the first time you met? Will she drive an hour out of her way to come pick you up when you've embarrassed yourself at work by getting fired and no one seems to think you amount to anything? Will that girl flashing her breasts wake you up in the middle of the night because you've seem to drift away in bed and wants your warmth? No. She just knows that your a man who wants to have fun and call it a night, no wake up call, just on to the next party.

          But your love, your queen... she knows you have a heart and a future that springs loudly with love and care. The thought of a future family scares the man to no edge but inside he's calm and collective with the thought of his love baring his child. He envisions it in her, he knows there's more to come in this life which will be conquered with her by his side. She feels safe in his arms. He feels loved and cared for.  This life brings so many questions with only a limited amount of answers but one answer is for certain. The most beautiful part and most crucial of this engagement of two souls relies on the simple act of acknowledging your love for one another.

The Horse Memoir

          I wish I could see the world as I once did as a child. Everything seemed so endless and possible. My dad was the strongest and smartest man alive and my mom the only human to actually resemble an angel. My twin brother was my partner in this vast world that hadn’t been discovered yet, we were willing to fall or rise together, no matter the result. 

          Every little memory that I carry to this day is there in my mind because of how new I was to the world. Seeing a horse for the first time was something I will never forget. It stood tall and strong with pride an agility of a king. Its soft silk skin ran down its back with its lightly tough tail of hair flapping in the wind. Its eyes pierced the land with precision as it calmly ate the grass beneath its feet. It stood from afar but it felt as it if was right next to me. I hadn’t made a sound since I laid my eyes on this animal, I didn’t want to scare it and vanish with its beauty behind it. I wanted to stay there forever to watch it grow into an old horse that told stories to its children who galloped around him just as I ran around my dad to show him my agility. I wanted the horse to be in love so they could sit there and be one. I wanted everything in my mind to become a reality so fiercely that I saw it as truth.

          It slowly started to creep towards the fence I was standing by but never taking its head above the ground. Its eyes kept scanning the land in front and to the sides of it, always chomping down hard at the grass and eating dirt as it popped up as well. Suddenly, it ripped its neck up as if to see a shooting star in the sky. It turned its head to the side with its eye piercing through the hills surrounding us. It made a grunt that sounded to come from way down deep in its body. It continued to grunt steadily for a couple seconds then in a fraction of a second leaped into a gallop towards the hill where it was looking. Its hair swayed in the air with freedom only birds can feel. Its feet in sync with its heart beat that pounded its body forward to the hills. Its nostrils opening wide to let every molecule of oxygen into its large inflated lung to export from its body in a bold fury to gallop even faster. It ran until I couldn’t see it no more. The horse was gone from my view forever. I would never see it again. I stood there staring into the woods praying for that horse to come back. But it didn’t. 

          The Earth suddenly got deadly dark and quiet with the breeze easily brushing against the leaves on the surrounding trees. I wanted the beauty that breathed through that horse back with all my might. I needed that horse to show me its beauty everyday I awoke, but it ceases to exist. But I am young! My heart pumps blood that is new and crispy, my lungs take in air with ease, my eyes view landscapes with innocence; they have barely seen the world that I live in. I still have thousands and thousands of sunsets, full moons and waterfalls to see. I will be married one day and look into the eyes of my newborn child and breath with my creation simultaneously. I will attend concerts that scream vibrations that pierce my mind like a lightning bolt. I will see a painting that’s worth forty five million dollars that describes the world between its four frames. The day will exist where I awake to a morning sun and realize I have made my life worth living every second, every breath with peace of mind. That day will come! This world is full of beauty that surrounds us everyday right aside us in our daily lives. We will create beauty; we will thrive from it. Parents will create beautiful offspring that will stride each and everyday with glamor. Our wives, our husbands will recreate the day they first met with each waking moment. The schools across the land will mold minds to create beauty within our future. But I stand there with a cloud of nostalgia climbing to its darkest peek as the sun goes to sleep and my vision deteriorates. The crawling dark never seems to forget to remind me that this day will forever resonate in my soul. It never halts to remind me that I will never see that horse again nor anything, as beautiful as that.

American Splendor

     American Splendor took us on a ride, a very real and harsh ride that gives the creatively inclined average man something to relate to. Harvey Pekar’s life was a definite roller coaster in every way. He took us to the depths of his lows and to the humble mountain tops of his highs. He first dreams of becoming a great comic writer like the greats he’s always read but soon finds a different road to go down. He sees his own everyday life as an adventure in itself. Living life is complicated and complex already. Why make it anymore than what it already is? He begins to write his daily life down on paper. Realizing its flow and truthfulness his good friend and comic writer wants to illustrate it, and BINGO! American Splendor takes its first leap into the world and is a slow but steady success.

     Harvey’s life begins to turn around. He has what seems to be a dead beat life. He’s a hoarder, divorced twice, circling around a soul sucking job as a filing clerk, a life where depression is served for breakfast lunch and dinner. But the success of his comic starts to shed some light on his dreary existence. A man who is among few comic writers who are thinking way outside the box has created art out of his own life! No special effects or stunt doubles, just Harvey and his day to day grind.

     A young lady who loves reading American Splendor comes into contact with Harvey. They begin to talk regularly. Harvey soon becomes very interested in meeting with this woman which they do and click right away in an awkwardly fashion. The other half of a man is a woman and Harvey has found his other half.  It’s the perfect storm, a woman in a man’s life; she’ll drive you to the edge of pain sorrow and guilt but then be there every time you fall to pick you right up. Can we get a rewrite? Don’t think so. But Harvey doesn’t seem to care. He’s found something worth getting up for.

     Harvey becomes overwhelmed with his new found glory; she must be there at all times. Like a kid with a new toy, until it breaks. But Harvey is far from calling his lady a toy, she is his muse, his creation within, she even appears in his comic book, in good and bad ways.  Their day to day relationship is quite odd, which is normal, but odd in a way that at first site is hard to swallow. It tastes like a friendship which has some benefits at times. At times she’s an angry sister who won’t get out of bed. The angry mother telling her son to CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT! But this is all accepted when we realize who this Harvey character is and who this lady is. They’re awkwardly perfect for each other in every way.

     Harvey’s success with 8 comic books seems to peak when he starts to appear on The Late Night Show with David Letterman which at first glance might look like a normal wacko vs wacko interview but in this one the audiences are laughing at Harvey, not with Harvey. A sad sight but it was the start of an age where ‘weird’ was selling on T.V. He appears several more times on the show, the audience getting louder and louder each time, Harvey trying to translate all that is going on around him.

     It all finally stops when David Letterman insults Harvey straight on while Harvey waits backstage to go on. Harvey reacts in a bitter aggressive way towards Letterman, demanding he be taken seriously, only getting a bigger laugh in return. No more Letterman appearances for Harvey. No worries, the American audience will have many wackos to be entertained by in the future, just another act expired.

     Harvey hits a brick wall with a tumor diagnosis. His wife tries to make the situation a positive one suggesting to Harvey that he write about his time with the tumor, every detail. Harvey declines, the wife decides to take it up in her own hands. Harvey goes through a deep spiral into destruction with the treatment and the fear of death. He begins to believe that he’s just a character, that American Splendor is his life and only that, a deadly reality that many realize.  Is my career my sole identity? Is the research and papers and books and libraries all I have to show in this life? What happens when I die? Does my character just die or does it live on to educate the uneducated? This is a crucial point in the movie. With this closing in on him and with everything else building up, Harvey Pekar hits his bottom. 

    Harvey survives his treatment and completes the book with his wife. They’ve adopted a lovely child along this experience and seem to be happy.  But the life of Harvey Pekar is never balanced, never certain. It’s always a struggle from day to day in his shoes. It’s a concept we all should adapt. Life is a struggle, a never ending test. It’s the small things that keep us going, keeps us making that step forward. We should never forget the people in our lives, or our dreams. Your life will most likely turn out totally different than you thought but it’s your life and no one elses, make it your own! Make it fun! Spontaneous! Make it last and unforgettable. Know that all of your wishes in life won’t come true but one thing you can count on is life. It’ll always be there for you to live, no matter what way you choose.

     Harvey Pekar chose his road that drove through a comic book store and changed it forever and this movie told me his story in an interesting unique and fulfilling way. I ask everyone to watch it in honor or to simply see ambition within the realm of uncertainty. Do something. Create something. Be something. Just do it!  

The Louie Bee